I listen to a lot of paranoid radio. I love the idea of survivalists and preparing for the breakdown of society. You know what I’m talking about -the kind of stuff where they’re worried about the new world order and black helicopters. Stuff from people like Alex Jones. My favorite parts are the commercials, though. There are companies that have ads for: freeze dried meal packs; water purification systems; plans for building a bunker in your backyard.
I personally would like to see these businesses grow to the point where they can have their own big-box stores and TV commercials:
Hi there friends do you need gold? Do you need a safe to put your gold in? Do you need a bunker to put your safe full of gold in? Do you need a varied array of firearms to protect your bunker – and safe – and gold? Well then come on down to Survival City. That’s Survival City – servin’ the overweight, bearded paranoid loner community for 32 years.
And that’s true when you think about it. Al the paranoid survivalist I’ve ever seen look exactly like they’re on their way to bear night at the manhole. Perhaps they’re all going to the same salon. I’m sure most major cities have a salon that caters to the bear/survivalist demographic:
Friends, are you thinking that the green t-shirt and camo pants just aren’t making you look butch enough? Well come on down to the Bear Bunker Spa and Hair Salon. Our top hair designer Bruce Rivera has been specializing in close cropped hair and beards for twenty years.
So the next time you see a survivalist interviewed on TV, try and figure out if he’s on the way to his underground bunker – or a Village People reunion.