Survivalists
I listen to a lot of paranoid radio. I love the idea of survivalists and preparing
for the breakdown of society. You know
what I’m talking about -the kind of stuff where they’re worried about the new
world order and black helicopters. Stuff
from people like Alex Jones. My favorite parts are the commercials, though.
There are companies that have ads
for: freeze dried meal packs; water
purification systems; plans for building a bunker in your backyard.
I personally would like to see these businesses grow to the
point where they can have their own big-box stores and TV commercials:
Hi there friends do
you need gold? Do you need a safe to put your gold in? Do you need a bunker to put your safe full of
gold in? Do you need a varied array of firearms to protect your bunker – and safe
– and gold? Well then come on down to
Survival City. That’s Survival City –
servin’ the overweight, bearded paranoid loner community for 32 years.
And that’s true when you think about it. Al the paranoid survivalist I’ve ever seen
look exactly like they’re on their way to bear night at the manhole. Perhaps they’re all going to the same
salon. I’m sure most major cities have a
salon that caters to the bear/survivalist demographic:
Friends, are you
thinking that the green t-shirt and camo pants just aren’t making you look
butch enough? Well come on down to the
Bear Bunker Spa and Hair Salon. Our top
hair designer Bruce Rivera has been specializing in close cropped hair and
beards for twenty years.
So the next time you see a survivalist interviewed on TV,
try and figure out if he’s on the way to his underground bunker – or a Village People reunion.
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